I'm not able to concentrate real well right now as I'm a tad high but I will try to respond a bit.
In regards to Hubby we have been working things out over the last 12 months and things are much better. I used to bottle everything up but now I am able to talk to him about the things that are bugging me and that way it doesn't get to a blow up point. I know now that he is my rock and I have told him so. If I didn't have him around I wouldn't be able to cope.
Study has been on the back burner for about a month as I'm having trouble focusing on any one thing for very long, which reminds me I must email my teachers today.
Sleep is an evil thing that comes and goes. I swear it just likes to drive me even more mental. I woke up yesterday at 10am fell asleep at 3pm woke at 5pm and haven't been to sleep since and am not at all tired. I honestly feel "wired" I guess the word is.
I have been trying to read as much as I can about Bipolar and I watched a documentary featuring Stephen Fry that was quiet good. I can relate to his situation with buying things just because you want them then have no idea what to do with them.
I'm worried about my kids growing up with their mum being a loony. I quite often don't know how to react to things they do and so I just leave them to it. They are almost always well behaved when we go out though, they just like to run riot at home.
I'm trying to get in to see a public psychiatrist through a place called Parkside here in Tassie. Apparently they are flat out though. Should I ask y gp if their are shrinks through the hospital? Like through the mental health wing thingy (psych ward)? I have no idea what to do and feel quite isolated. I don't think my hubby really wants to know what happens in my head as he refuses to read any of the info I've tried to get him to read.
A person I know has a huge menagerie of 14 cats, dogs, birds and rabbits!!!! We have a cat and 4 tanks of fish :) I want to get a Doberman but hubby wants a Husky >< I think we'll end up with a husky though as they are more often in the pound for re adoption.
Anyways off to play with my Wii and try to burn some energy Very Happy
Monday, September 7, 2009
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
Having a wierd day
I woke up this morning about 7:30am and drifted in and out of sleep till about 9. When I got up my neck was aching and so was my tooth. I'm teething. Yay for me! :( I'm 24 and bloody teething!!! Stupid wisdom teeth.
Anyway I felt drained but had to get up to get J off to school all be it late but at least he got there.
Then I started to feel really energetic like I could do anything and all happy, then all of a sudden I feel crap and drained again :(
Hopefully I pick up again soon and feel ok for the rest of the day. Have appointment with the psychologist this arvo. Maybe its normal to cycle like this?
Anyway I felt drained but had to get up to get J off to school all be it late but at least he got there.
Then I started to feel really energetic like I could do anything and all happy, then all of a sudden I feel crap and drained again :(
Hopefully I pick up again soon and feel ok for the rest of the day. Have appointment with the psychologist this arvo. Maybe its normal to cycle like this?
Monday, August 31, 2009
Wow I'm so slack
Well haven't I been slack!!
In the 12 or so months its been since I last posted not a whole lot has happened.
We still live in the same house, B still screams when I try to take him to day care and both boys still scream blue murder at each other regularly.
I now see a psychologist for bipolar and he gives me homework :S
I see him again tomorrow and I have some questions for him.
Number one being if he knows what the regular dose of lamotrogine or tregretol are for bipolar.
I am yet to find the right meds for my disorder and have been doctor jumping for the last couple months because my old gp wouldn't listen and wouldn't even consider changing my meds. If the new gp I see next Thursday is useless then I'll be demanding a referral back to the psychiatrist who diagnosed me to see if he can try me on different meds.
I often wonder if I actually have bipolar but that could just be denial. It also seems that my family love to compare themselves to me. Whenever I am diagnosed with something then they magically either have it or have 'tendencies'. It used to only be my mother who did this but now even my father has since I was told I have bipolar. Now they both have 'some form' of it apparently and it drives me mental. Why do they have to be exactly the same? Why can't I be the one who is different?
I'm still angry with my mother for all the shit that happened when I was little between me and my elder brother. (Can't remember if I posted about it before but he interfered with me). She still expects me to talk to him like nothing ever happened and we are the best of friends.
She has told me that when she was little her babysitter raped her constantly. Now she tells me her father did too and her uncle. I don't want to trivialize what happened to her if it did happen but why can't she understand my not wanting to talk to the perpetrator of my abuse when she wants to kill the people who did it to her?
She has a long history of making up stories and believing them herself so much that you just can't get anything out of her. Bah
Enough of that crap
I'm off to try and cook some food for the demon spawn.
In the 12 or so months its been since I last posted not a whole lot has happened.
We still live in the same house, B still screams when I try to take him to day care and both boys still scream blue murder at each other regularly.
I now see a psychologist for bipolar and he gives me homework :S
I see him again tomorrow and I have some questions for him.
Number one being if he knows what the regular dose of lamotrogine or tregretol are for bipolar.
I am yet to find the right meds for my disorder and have been doctor jumping for the last couple months because my old gp wouldn't listen and wouldn't even consider changing my meds. If the new gp I see next Thursday is useless then I'll be demanding a referral back to the psychiatrist who diagnosed me to see if he can try me on different meds.
I often wonder if I actually have bipolar but that could just be denial. It also seems that my family love to compare themselves to me. Whenever I am diagnosed with something then they magically either have it or have 'tendencies'. It used to only be my mother who did this but now even my father has since I was told I have bipolar. Now they both have 'some form' of it apparently and it drives me mental. Why do they have to be exactly the same? Why can't I be the one who is different?
I'm still angry with my mother for all the shit that happened when I was little between me and my elder brother. (Can't remember if I posted about it before but he interfered with me). She still expects me to talk to him like nothing ever happened and we are the best of friends.
She has told me that when she was little her babysitter raped her constantly. Now she tells me her father did too and her uncle. I don't want to trivialize what happened to her if it did happen but why can't she understand my not wanting to talk to the perpetrator of my abuse when she wants to kill the people who did it to her?
She has a long history of making up stories and believing them herself so much that you just can't get anything out of her. Bah
Enough of that crap
I'm off to try and cook some food for the demon spawn.
Thursday, August 21, 2008
Ho hum
Well it has been confirmed. I am a certified nutcase.
Well alright not a nutcase, but the psychiatrist has confirmed that I have Bipolar type 2. According to Beyond Blue.com.au's definition of Bipolar type and 2 I do sometimes display symptoms of type 1 as well, as in I get paranoid but that may come from the drug induced stupor of my teen years. Apparently pot can have that effect.
Both my kids have been driving me completely up the wall, neither of them will listen to a thing I say anymore. B screams like it's the end of the world when I take him to daycare (he goes 2 afternoons a week) and J has now decided he doesn't like going to after school care (he also goes 2 times a week). I'm starting to wonder if it's worth the $45 every fortnight. But then if they didn't go then I wouldn't get any me time.
B has this wonderful habbit of picking things up, including pens, blocks, toy truck etc, and throwing them at me. Little bugger hit me in the back of the head wit a pen yesterday. As you can imagine, I was not impressed.
Not sure if I've mentioned it before but we are looking at moving soon and trying to find a suitale house that's in our price range is just a nightmare. They are all either in bad neighbour hoods or they are dingy little old holes.
Well I better try to g to sleep have to be up early to get J to school.
Well alright not a nutcase, but the psychiatrist has confirmed that I have Bipolar type 2. According to Beyond Blue.com.au's definition of Bipolar type and 2 I do sometimes display symptoms of type 1 as well, as in I get paranoid but that may come from the drug induced stupor of my teen years. Apparently pot can have that effect.
Both my kids have been driving me completely up the wall, neither of them will listen to a thing I say anymore. B screams like it's the end of the world when I take him to daycare (he goes 2 afternoons a week) and J has now decided he doesn't like going to after school care (he also goes 2 times a week). I'm starting to wonder if it's worth the $45 every fortnight. But then if they didn't go then I wouldn't get any me time.
B has this wonderful habbit of picking things up, including pens, blocks, toy truck etc, and throwing them at me. Little bugger hit me in the back of the head wit a pen yesterday. As you can imagine, I was not impressed.
Not sure if I've mentioned it before but we are looking at moving soon and trying to find a suitale house that's in our price range is just a nightmare. They are all either in bad neighbour hoods or they are dingy little old holes.
Well I better try to g to sleep have to be up early to get J to school.
Thursday, August 14, 2008
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Owww
Last night I sat up till 4am with CC watching the Davinci Code (yeah I know it's an old movie now) and then woke up at 9:30am realising I had a dentist appointment 45 minutes away at 10:15am. I had to jump out of bed and race around like a headless chicken getting myself and the boys ready to go.
I managed to get to the dentist at 10:40am without breaking any speed limits so I'm kinda happy with myself.
I then, unexpectedly, had a toothripped out "extracted" and dag nammit it hurt!!!
Ok so they gave me a local anaesthetic but the noses and the pulling and grinding and urgh, *shudders,* it was awful.
It was all fine till the ruddy anaesthetic wore off. Now my jaw is aching. Now I can barely talk. So I resort to typing instead.
On the positive side, at least I can't really feel the pain in my back!
But now I'm so dang tired and they boys aren't looking like going for a nap so I might just "rest" on the couch and see how long I can get away with it before CC notices *cheeky grin*
I managed to get to the dentist at 10:40am without breaking any speed limits so I'm kinda happy with myself.
I then, unexpectedly, had a tooth
Ok so they gave me a local anaesthetic but the noses and the pulling and grinding and urgh, *shudders,* it was awful.
It was all fine till the ruddy anaesthetic wore off. Now my jaw is aching. Now I can barely talk. So I resort to typing instead.
On the positive side, at least I can't really feel the pain in my back!
But now I'm so dang tired and they boys aren't looking like going for a nap so I might just "rest" on the couch and see how long I can get away with it before CC notices *cheeky grin*
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
Arrrggghhhh!!!!
I swear my kids were born to drive me totally and completely bonkers!
J keeps sneezing and coughing all over me, refusing to cover his mouth, and pulling/climbing all over me, even though he knows I'm in pain.
B keeps headbutting me in the jaw and climbing on my back.
I swear I'm slowly losing control over my life.
I've only managed to do one thing on my list as I've spent most of the day asleep trying to escape from the pain.
CC (as much as I love him) doesn't seem to understand how the pain makes me cranky, and the boys seem to just want to push my buttons to get me to break, just for the fun of it.
The Olympics are giving me the shits, there's nothing on TV BUT the ruddy Olympics.
I guess I need to get over myself but I'm just so damn cranky!
CC seems to be getting sucked back into online games after all the shit we had in May (whole other story, I should fill you in on it sometime).
I'm at a lose as to what to do, with the boys, with CC, with my inability to do what I should be doing and being able to control my emotions.
I have fought the Black Dog since I was 14. I've been on and off meds ever since. It has ow got to the point where my family members think there ust be more to it than just depression. My GP gave me 2 options when I spoke to him about Bipolar, 1. keep taking antidepressants as well as a mood stabiliser such as epilum (been on epilum before just made me sleep all the time) and 2. See a psychiatrist. I chose to see a psychiatrist and have an appointment on the 19th to see if he thinks I may have Bipolar disorder. Will be interesting to see what he has to say.
Oh well I'll probably be back later on....
J keeps sneezing and coughing all over me, refusing to cover his mouth, and pulling/climbing all over me, even though he knows I'm in pain.
B keeps headbutting me in the jaw and climbing on my back.
I swear I'm slowly losing control over my life.
I've only managed to do one thing on my list as I've spent most of the day asleep trying to escape from the pain.
CC (as much as I love him) doesn't seem to understand how the pain makes me cranky, and the boys seem to just want to push my buttons to get me to break, just for the fun of it.
The Olympics are giving me the shits, there's nothing on TV BUT the ruddy Olympics.
I guess I need to get over myself but I'm just so damn cranky!
CC seems to be getting sucked back into online games after all the shit we had in May (whole other story, I should fill you in on it sometime).
I'm at a lose as to what to do, with the boys, with CC, with my inability to do what I should be doing and being able to control my emotions.
I have fought the Black Dog since I was 14. I've been on and off meds ever since. It has ow got to the point where my family members think there ust be more to it than just depression. My GP gave me 2 options when I spoke to him about Bipolar, 1. keep taking antidepressants as well as a mood stabiliser such as epilum (been on epilum before just made me sleep all the time) and 2. See a psychiatrist. I chose to see a psychiatrist and have an appointment on the 19th to see if he thinks I may have Bipolar disorder. Will be interesting to see what he has to say.
Oh well I'll probably be back later on....
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)