I'm not able to concentrate real well right now as I'm a tad high but I will try to respond a bit.

In regards to Hubby we have been working things out over the last 12 months and things are much better. I used to bottle everything up but now I am able to talk to him about the things that are bugging me and that way it doesn't get to a blow up point. I know now that he is my rock and I have told him so. If I didn't have him around I wouldn't be able to cope.

Study has been on the back burner for about a month as I'm having trouble focusing on any one thing for very long, which reminds me I must email my teachers today.

Sleep is an evil thing that comes and goes. I swear it just likes to drive me even more mental. I woke up yesterday at 10am fell asleep at 3pm woke at 5pm and haven't been to sleep since and am not at all tired. I honestly feel "wired" I guess the word is.

I have been trying to read as much as I can about Bipolar and I watched a documentary featuring Stephen Fry that was quiet good. I can relate to his situation with buying things just because you want them then have no idea what to do with them.

I'm worried about my kids growing up with their mum being a loony. I quite often don't know how to react to things they do and so I just leave them to it. They are almost always well behaved when we go out though, they just like to run riot at home.

I'm trying to get in to see a public psychiatrist through a place called Parkside here in Tassie. Apparently they are flat out though. Should I ask y gp if their are shrinks through the hospital? Like through the mental health wing thingy (psych ward)? I have no idea what to do and feel quite isolated. I don't think my hubby really wants to know what happens in my head as he refuses to read any of the info I've tried to get him to read.


A person I know has a huge menagerie of 14 cats, dogs, birds and rabbits!!!! We have a cat and 4 tanks of fish :) I want to get a Doberman but hubby wants a Husky >< I think we'll end up with a husky though as they are more often in the pound for re adoption.

Anyways off to play with my Wii and try to burn some energy Very Happy

Having a wierd day

I woke up this morning about 7:30am and drifted in and out of sleep till about 9. When I got up my neck was aching and so was my tooth. I'm teething. Yay for me! :( I'm 24 and bloody teething!!! Stupid wisdom teeth.

Anyway I felt drained but had to get up to get J off to school all be it late but at least he got there.
Then I started to feel really energetic like I could do anything and all happy, then all of a sudden I feel crap and drained again :(
Hopefully I pick up again soon and feel ok for the rest of the day. Have appointment with the psychologist this arvo. Maybe its normal to cycle like this?

Wow I'm so slack

Well haven't I been slack!!

In the 12 or so months its been since I last posted not a whole lot has happened.
We still live in the same house, B still screams when I try to take him to day care and both boys still scream blue murder at each other regularly.

I now see a psychologist for bipolar and he gives me homework :S
I see him again tomorrow and I have some questions for him.
Number one being if he knows what the regular dose of lamotrogine or tregretol are for bipolar.

I am yet to find the right meds for my disorder and have been doctor jumping for the last couple months because my old gp wouldn't listen and wouldn't even consider changing my meds. If the new gp I see next Thursday is useless then I'll be demanding a referral back to the psychiatrist who diagnosed me to see if he can try me on different meds.

I often wonder if I actually have bipolar but that could just be denial. It also seems that my family love to compare themselves to me. Whenever I am diagnosed with something then they magically either have it or have 'tendencies'. It used to only be my mother who did this but now even my father has since I was told I have bipolar. Now they both have 'some form' of it apparently and it drives me mental. Why do they have to be exactly the same? Why can't I be the one who is different?

I'm still angry with my mother for all the shit that happened when I was little between me and my elder brother. (Can't remember if I posted about it before but he interfered with me). She still expects me to talk to him like nothing ever happened and we are the best of friends.
She has told me that when she was little her babysitter raped her constantly. Now she tells me her father did too and her uncle. I don't want to trivialize what happened to her if it did happen but why can't she understand my not wanting to talk to the perpetrator of my abuse when she wants to kill the people who did it to her?

She has a long history of making up stories and believing them herself so much that you just can't get anything out of her. Bah

Enough of that crap

I'm off to try and cook some food for the demon spawn.